fishy

Warpfish Stories

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield..."

The End and the Beginning...
fishy
hanrow

And so, this is the end.

I've written in this LiveJournal since March 17th, 2002. From that first entry:

    As for why I'm writing this -- I've talked a lot about this on my home page, or as a part of Chronicles. This is electronic voyeurism, electronic catharsis, rants and opinions, to try and keep an emotional even keel. By presenting my stuff in this format, it's up to you, your choice, if you want to read this stuff. I'm not going to decide for you.

And I tried to hold to that, for all I wrote. This was and is, a rant space. I never advertised it, I never told people "come read my blog". To the end, I tried to hold to the idea that this area wasn't about me talking to other people; this was about me shouting to the wind, and, if you thought I had something interesting to say, you would stop close by and listen for a while.

Still, in a little over 9 years and 3200 entries, my life has changed immensely. I've changed jobs, made new friends, lost a few, got married, got a house, changed jobs again, and we're now contemplating starting a family. I've ranted about pretty much everything. All for some benefit that, while not really quantifiable, I believe is definite.

But, in the end, times change, people change. And, honestly, writing in here just isn't the priority (or even the option) that it used to be. I don't seem to want to rant as much as I wanted to in the past. Possibly, most importantly, the older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have -- to my family, to my peers, to my co-workers. And, as time has gone on, stuff that's written can be used more and more as a weapon against you. Ideas taken out of context. Political alignments used as excuses. While I haven't gotten a direct attack in a while, it's something I'm always worried about.

At some point, Eternal September has to be honoured. It's no longer about me. It's about me and the people I care about. What a random Chinese guy could get away with writing, even in 2002, he definitely can't get away with in 2011. Even if I don't care what other people say about me, I do care what they say about my friends and family. Finally, and this is something I told myself early on, the moment that I started writing to the audience, as opposed to writing what I needed to write, it was time to stop and look at other creative avenues.

All that being said; I believe strongly in closure. I believe that all stories need some sort of ending. And, I'm weak enough as a human being to scrawl my equivalent of "Kilroy was Here" on this wall.

So, instead of just blowing this LJ away, I've decided to leave this one, last, public entry, a lonely sign post that may never be read by human eyes.

Maybe one day I'll get back into blogging. Certainly, I'm not leaving the Internet - people can still find me on Facebook or Google+, or just send me email. And I certainly plan to keep on reading what other people write, as long as there's something to read. I don't plan on closing this account down. But, to everything there is a season, and I think this season, for me, has passed.

To readers and friends: thanks for writing, and thanks for letting me read. God Bless, and maybe we'll run into each other again someday. Strive, seek, find, and never yield.

Last word to Billy Joel:

Sitting here in Avalon, looking at the pouring rain
Summertime has come and gone and everybody's home again
Closing down for the season, I found the last of the souvenirs
I can still taste the wedding cake and it's sweet after all these years

These are the last words I have to say
That's why this took so long to write
There will be other words some other day
But that's the story of my life

There's comfort in my coffee cup and apples in the early fall
They're pulling all the moorings up and gathering at the Legion Hall
They swept away all the streamers after the Labor Day parade
Nothing left for a dreamer now, only one final serenade

And these are the last words I have to say
Before another age goes by
With all those other songs I'll have to play
But that's the story of my life

And it's so clear standing here where I am
Ain't that what justice is for?
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn anymore

Stack the chairs on the table tops
Hang the sheets on the chandeliers
It slows down but it never stops
Ain't it sweet after all these years

And these are the last words I have to say
It's always hard to say goodbye
But now it's time to put this book away
Ain't that the story of my life

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